DANGEROUS ENCOUNTER OR ABOUT THE BEAUTY AND DEATH

 by Kamil Yıldız (Translation: Arif Koçer)

It would not be banal to start like this; “Do you really think that people would feel content with happiness possessed without a witness?”(Fontenelle)

Just as power needs to spread outwards and influence so do bliss and happiness want to be seen and appreciated. We perceive loneliness bearable only because of the belief that they are over there, alas, every loneliness dragging its feet gives birth to desperation.

We first start thinking about tiny trivialities of life maybe, and then, by fixing our thoughts at or staying loyal to these vantage points, we always put a concrete event or, sometimes someone, before us. The most common way of thinking like this is imagery; it is both tangible and special. (Thus, we are hurled away from the boundaries of philosophy.) This imagery is also the sanctuary where I should strengthen myself in. The imagination I have clings to “the thing”, because it has still been intact, resistant to all imaginable temptations, It has not shattered and not been thought about, yet.  The power and will to enable this shattering are not available for now, thus I feel belated, (Musing on the line: we are late because we are not ready.) Whatever I have done seems lame and deficient in my eyes. Thus surfaces a feeling of alienation, I know. I nearly know what I should do, I still keep myself away from that, too, because it is what is impossible for me to accomplish. No haste, hang around. Here comes about a tension, longing which fades away upon action (Meaning that “there is something missing or why isn’t it there?”), heaping up on inaction (Meaning that “Maybe it was wrong, It will heap up with the advent of the next”) is under the pressure of time, the one which is the tension of soul.  This is a game I have played alone, however much I intuited its deficiency beforehand, I devoted myself to life and its riches by saving myself from this harsh realization by means of pretexts. At this very point, I feel a deep loneliness when I consciously realize the question of “Who am I when I do not play my share?”(F. Pessoa) So, a fear, a fear against death arises. This endless metaphysics, all kinds of thoughts on death… doors being left ajar to the way heaving up to the abstract. However, the emergence of death as a fear is the result of an earlier misconception. A mislived life, the same applies for jealousy.  Having thought about and readied for death, with a decorous attitude shaped by an indefinable feeling of indebtedness, I comprehend what shapes death and nonexistence: It is beauty. What makes me so vulnerable in the face of time, so valuable in the face of death? Why should our lives and consciousness matter so much? We are not so much bearable creatures, as well. I believe that what makes it possible is our encounter with beautiful. All content emanates from it, through its having us realize. While pleasure is the pleasure of beauty, sorrow is the result of a mislived life, which can only be known when faced with beautiful. Most of our sorrows are naturally pretentious, it is sometimes  there to shield the pleasure we possess or, as  the pretext of staying away from a “thing” that our might could not have had us have, or  of  doing something not in this way but in that way. Genuine sorrows never make themselves reveal and felt. Much as they relieve us of our tension, nothing we discharge our grievances with is the real cause of annoyance.  On this issue, people have such an intuition that they give up talking about “that thing “in a noble manner without giving it its purest and most perfect form. When I do not deceive myself I need someone else’s existence. It does not matter if it is either because of my selfishness or worry: All of us are after a witness who will make our lives infinite. That is why many people do prayers, artists create and women give birth to children, in a way that never satisfies, though. But, what follows makes it complicated: I need a higher and more superior creature than me. This is a loneliness that has already started but not extinguished yet. I am determined to deal with my case among the people; at this point “a compromise with God” will not do any good to anyone. A witness is never just a friend; there is the pursuit of a witness and a feeling of approval in all manners of glorification of a lover.

               II

Existence derives from beauty, so does hope derive from existence; what makes fear is nothingness.  Our culture is a prepare-for-death culture. Now that we are not edified in the face of beauty, we seem to perceive life not as beauty but as nothingness, feeling the paws of fear rather than the wings of hope. This might swiftly transform itself into a kind of nihilism of those who believe, which I call “mortality rhetoric”. While fear can lead to hopelessness, hope can evolve into the feeling of safety. (Remember Spinoza: “Hope means unstable gladness; making a decision means trust; fear means unstable sorrow, finalization of which means hopelessness.”) At this point, it is possible to recognize that we will need to feel safe in the face of death and, that safety comes from the heart of hope e.g. from beauty.(What is beautiful tickles doubt and, mostly it is not goodness as in the way it is usually considered. Majority draws feeling of safety from others by aligning to the community shoulder to shoulder. (It is no more than stupidity that well-read people despise this truth. Human kind already exists interdependently; he can do nothing on his own. Crowd or people are our earlier safe haven among which we thrive until we learn how to fly.)  Everything that strikes at the balance is the source of “doubt”, beauty is not goodness. The most valuable things in life, like religion and beauty, are mostly degenerative, too.  Beauty; when it is the subject matter of an unfulfilled desire it is dangerous, when it is devoured with a forceful push, it is degenerative.  Beauty is not a safe haven, because human is not beyond himself; what he proclaims and gets made out stay above what he reveals, there is nothing called absolute satisfaction.  “The ease of mind from tasting the days to the brim” comes true only when our actions do not frighten us and when we reach a final belief. Belief is the direct comprehension which is crystal clear to us. Without believing ourselves, we cannot believe in anything; our self-belief relates to our encounters and we can never believe on our own. (People live and die by denying themselves.)

If that is the case, two types of fear are worth mentioning here: At this point, a real unbeliever concerns himself with enjoyment and pleasure, he is still within beauty, but that this beauty stays in safety depends on this: when death comes he will really disappear. If there is the hope of death, enjoyment is fulfilled and in safety, because disappearing altogether, being aware of and believing in this, feels safe. Now, the ascendance of this hope to belief feels safe but in case of doubt, when the doubt of “what if I do not disappear” appears , comes out fear not hope and  the pleasure within the realm of body is carried away by fear in the face of death.   Thus emerges insecurity.  In contrast to this,  let us put the attitude of the believer who, let us assume,  does not forget the pleasure of the realm of the body, let him live in contentment of conscience.   His hope will be the hope that he might be forgiven due to his belief.  With the increase of this hope, if his belief of forgivance is fulfilled, he will enjoy himself in contentment, what is being pursued in both cases is to claim joy away from doubt in full assuredness. The believer mostly feels in doubt and guilty of whatever wrong he has done and thinks that he is a sinner. His assurance is the hope of forgivance. So, to the same degree that he is sure of an afterworld, not only does he shun this world but also sometimes acts neglectfully. He is doubtful about “the beauty”, being away from the fear of death. The vicious circle here is that actions have never been free from doubts, which results in the feeling that a dissatisfied and mislived life has been experienced, which also leads to a feeling of emptiness and fear of death. This fear seems inevitable for the believer. While some experience a dangerous encounter with beauty, some others go through a similar experiment with death, whoever has whichever emptiness inside of them they incur the sorrow from there. Approving beauty means clapping existence, astounding and feeling joy. Both this clap and joy reach full maturity when felt sure of death (This assuredness is a warranty for the unbeliever of disappearance, for the believer of forgivance.) This maturity, therefore, is determined either by our belief of facing an absolute disappearance or of an absolute forgivance. Getting doubtful in both cases will turns life into a land of hope and fear, that is, everything will happen in a volatile fashion. We live in this manner. The lives of majority are full of doubts. They are those, only those who have gone mad have really reached the absolute disappearance and forgivance.